Monochrome rain of death from above

I was minding my own business going for my morning run in the park the other day listening to some octane fuelled rock band on my IPod. I do this to keep my motivation up and also generally leaves me lost in my own thoughts.

Suddenly I felt a smack to the back of the head. Picking my headphones back up again I quickly looked around at what might have mercilessly attacked me with no provocation what so ever. I thought perhaps somebody had carelessly thrown a ball or Frisbee. However to my surprise I saw a magpie fluttering about just above me in what I can only describe as some sort of victory dance.

Apparently spring for the Australian magpie is the nesting season and anything (especially humans) that gets too close to their nesting tree gets ‘swooped’ as some rudimentary protection method. 

Their modus operandi is to lay in weight high in the branches above until some unsuspecting pedestrian or cyclist happen by. Using the forces of both gravity and flight they swoop down from behind (always from behind) with great speed and clip you in the back of the head.

That’s what I call Mother Nature giving you the bird.

Daz 

A dangerous country

While off-roading with my Australian friend I explained how NZ is different from Australia in the way that we don’t really have any dangerous animals. I think he took exception to that as every interesting animal I pointed out since then he always immediately counted with “-It’ll kill ya!”

Me: “Hey look at that lizard-”

Chris: “-It’ll kill ya!”

Me: “Did you see that kangaroo-?”

Chris: “-It’ll kill ya!”

Me: “Wow look at the cute koala-”

Chris: “-It’ll kill ya!”

Me: “ I've noticed in the trees you have-”

Chris: “-It’ll kill ya!”

Me: “-I have said what it is yet! How do you know it’ll kill me until I tell you what I am looking at?!”    

Chris: “Sorry – what were you pointing at?”

Me: “That bird. The white one that looks like a parrot.”

Chris: “Oh, that’s a Cockatoo.”

 Me: “Beautiful isn't it?”

Chris: “Yea……It’ll kill ya.”

Daz

The Beautiful Game's Ugly Sister.

Last weekend I got to enjoy something iconically Australian. An Australian Rules (AFL) football match at the MCG stadium. This place is huge as it's where the finals are played. 56,000 people were in attendance that night and I was lucky enough to have an eight year old lad sitting next to me patiently explaining the rules (Doubt he felt as lucky).

Despite getting the rudimentary understanding of the game with the help of my young friend, a rule book, the internet, Nostradamus, a slide rule protractor and a bottle of household bleach I still didn’t quite get why when one person kicked or caught the ball everyone cheered and when the next player kicked or caught the ball it’s met with complete silence. One tackle’s OK but the other get penalized….the confusion went on.

It’s a bit like watching aerial ping pong on an oval grass field really. Still the atmosphere was great and a nice time was had by all.

Daz

...and another thing I've been wondering lately..(Hoodoo Gurus)

The adventure of living in Australia goes on. I just ate kangaroo for the first time. Thought as I was in Aus I’d better hop to it (sorry) . Actually you have to cook it quickly so it doesn't get too tough. Very dark and gamey, a bit like deer really.

So I went for a beer with my Aussie mate in the local pub last night.

ME: ‘So do you want a pint?’

CW: ‘Aww yea-na, na-yea, I’ll just have a pot.’

ME: ‘Here we go again – a what?

CW: ‘A pot.’

ME: ‘You want your beer in a metal pot that you cook things in, handle and all?

CW: ‘Aye, what? Na – just a small glass.’

ME: ‘Then what was that about the pot then?’

CW: ‘That what we call em! Glasses are pots! What’s hard about that?’

..and i thought learning Chinese was difficult.

Daz

...Where women glow and men plunder...

Sorry about no entries for May and June but nothing was really happening so I didn't want to bore you with a whole lot of pointless ramblings...well until now anyway. So I have moved to Australia for about 5 months to study Ethnography (as you do) here in Melbourne to aid me in better living in China when I eventually go. all in all not a huge cultural adjustment on my part but there is always something isn't there.

For me it started while I was still in the airport. The customs officer asked me if I had any criminal convictions to which I replied no, sorry, why? Are they still compulsory? He didn't even crack a smile, some people have no sense of humour.

Learning Australian words:
Apparently boo means to return. And if you don't believe me try throwing a normal meringue.

This is a good one - I'm cleaning the kitchen with my Aussie mate...

Me: Chris, where is the compost bin?
Chris: You go past the see-saw, swings and slippery dip then through the-
Me: Hang on - past the swings and the WHAT?
Chris: The slippery dip.
Me: The slippery dip? What's a slippery dip?
Chris: You know - kids go up and slide down it.
Me: You mean a SLIDE?
Chris: Yea! Or a slippery dip!

We'll get there.
Daz

Training

It's been about a month since I last tried to find someone to teach me how to make coffee for round about the price of free and stunningly enough I managed to do it. So God bless Blue Bradley, Jason Baird, Leon and a few others. I am starting to see after all the technical processes it quickly becomes a practiced art and a lot harder than I thought. It's kind of fun too sifting through all the conflicting information.

Barista 1:...you should never ever....
Barista 2:...what I like to do after tamping the grind is give it a little twist...
Barista 1:...ever ever...
Barista 3:...when tamping the grind don't twist it as you lift it off...
Barista 1:...ever, ever...
Barista 4: ...and when you tamp the grind give it a little twist at the end...
Barista 1: ...ever, ever twist it at the end!

The cafe I will be working in in China has been open for well over a week now and sadly I won't be able to join them for at least another 6 months until all my training is over. Never mind at least I'll get some practice in other people's cafes...but that's another blog.

Darryll's first Blog

Congratulations on reading Daz's first blog. Here you will be able to keep up to date with all of Darryll's adventures leading up to, but also, in the cafe I hope to work in soon.

From $260.00 to $300.00 they wanted just to show me just to show me how to damper ground beans into a a metal cup with a handle on it and push a button and also how to make milk the right kind of frothy and pour it into a cup. Really? Yes, I get it's a skill but seriously? That amount of money?

Cheap as most of you know me to be I found someone who said they would teach me for the cost of the materials. (God please bless that man!) So after this I will need to practice this to perfect my art. Yes, that does mean you can hit me up for a coffee. If it's in a cafe where I am working you will probably have to pay for it though.

Anyway I swore to myself I was going to keep these blogs brief or else people weren't going to read all of it unless things go horribly wrong in which case people may find it all quite funny. But how bad can it get?

Daz